I don’t know when it happened, but I must have blinked at the wrong time because it’s now the end of 2016 and I have no idea how time moved so quickly that I’m already writing my thoughts for the upcoming year. I can’t say that I’m unhappy that 2016 is going to be over, I just don’t know if I’m mentally ready to take on the challenge of another 365 days of the crazies without some intense change within myself. I mean, it’s a rocky world right now and we all need to hold on or, in my case, just let go.
I don’t think I’m especially different from most people. Every year around this time I give myself nonsense resolutions that I, without fail, never, and I mean never, manage to keep. No matter how hard I try, I fail miserably. For example, if I resolve to go to the gym three days a week, I know in my gut that will not happen. I may try, really try, but I know myself and if it’s cold or I’m tired or I’m working late or this or that, I fail. And when I resolve to eat healthier, well, that’s great, but again, I know myself all too well and if there are French fries and a bar of chocolate around at midnight, well, need I say more? But hey, I do get credit for at least I always try.
So, this year, I am giving it a go again. Only this time around, I figure I may as well make a list of things that I DON’T want to do. Things that I can actually make happen by NOT doing. So, for me, 2017 is all about letting go and NOT hanging on to promises that will not make it past January 31st. So, whatever is going to happen in the upcoming year, regardless of me, will happen. “So let it go, let it flow, there is a g/d that loves me so.” (I borrowed part of this quote from a Rebbetzin I know.)
And, we are off! The first thing that comes to mind is resolving to NOT hold onto past shit. It’s all about letting go and not holding on. I don’t know why it’s so difficult to let go of the past, but maybe it’s because it is more comfortable than experiencing the present. I can see holding onto pleasant memories, but c’mon, dwelling on past mistakes and negative experiences; I don’t see the need to hang on anymore. This year I plan to grab as many positive experiences and put them in my back pocket and carry them with me wherever I go. I resolve to NOT hold on to old shit.
The next thing I am going to let go of is self-doubt. “Enough already,” I hear myself say this over and over. Why do I constantly doubt my abilities and accomplishments? Well, it’s time to focus on all I have achieved and how much more I can achieve when I let go of doubt and just put my mind to doing what I want to do and know that I can do. I realize that all my self-doubts are only interrupting the possibilities of any amazing future endeavors I may have in store. Moreover, I put a great amount of pressure on myself to be flawless, but it’s time to let it go. I am blemished and flawed and that’s the way it is. It’s time to embrace it all. I resolve to NOT self-doubt.
And what about the constant chatter in my head of self-criticism? “Stacey, you could have done this better, you should have thought of that,” or here’s the best one, “Stacey, you don’t know what you are doing and you are fooling yourself into thinking you do.” I think I have had enough of it. It’s time to realize that I can achieve anything and everything is totally possible and within my reach; I just have to let go of fear and take hold of courage. It’s time to shut off the voices and leave this nonsense in 2016. I resolve to NOT be so critical of myself.
The next thing I am going to get rid of is the notion that I need to change myself for others. Enough is enough. I let go of changing myself just to make someone else happy because at the end of the day, when all is said and done, if someone doesn’t get me or realize my worth, it’s time to let them go too. It’s time to let go of the idea that I must always be the one to get things right. Part of being human is making mistakes and learning to accept and admit them without feeling as though the world is going to crash in on me. I resolve to NOT be afraid of my own self- worth.
The more I think of letting go, I realize it’s time to let go of pre-judgment of a situation or a person. Sometimes I will hear someone mention an unflattering remark about another person which inevitably brings me to a place of judgment before I even get to know them. How can I possibly have an honest relationship with myself if I’m busy making judgments in my own head based on someone else’s judgment. We all have issues to contend with and ghosts that haunt us. Nobody I know has a perfect life. And, nobody is perfect. That goes for me as well. Accept the fact that I am not perfect. It’s time to let go of my ideas of how everyone is supposed to behave. So, until I get to know you for you, NO judgment on my part.
Here is one that might not be so easy to NOT do, but I’m in for the long haul, so what the heck. I am letting go of body issues. We all have them. When I began to think about how much time I waste staring in the mirror at all my wrinkles, puffy eyes, flab and flaws, wishing I had a magic wand to rid them all, I realize what a waste of time it is. Each of us is perfectly imperfect. I resolve to rebel against the mirror and NOT let the potential of my day dissolve because I am having a bad hair day.
I think it would benefit me to also lose my prissy mood swings and sometimes, distasteful temper and stop blaming my hormones on everything that does not suit me. I finally understand that the more energy I spend being angry or pissed off, the longer I am angry and pissed off. It’s time to let go of anger and move on to a more Zen like life. I am sure that will propel me instead of stiffen me. I resolve to NOT let anger fill me.
Finally, I am letting go of the idea of searching for happiness. Shouldn’t happiness be an inside job? Why am I searching beyond for something when it already exists within? It’s time to focus on today and being happy with myself and stop the endless search for something that may not have been there in 2016, but can very well be here today, so long as I let it be. I resolve to NOT search for something that already lies within.
So, there you go. No fancy resolutions; just me trying to look at things in a different perspective. Thus, I give a gracious goodbye to 2016, letting it go with a huge breath out and a hopeful hello to 2017 with a huge breath in. Happy 2017.