How many times have you heard these words, “let me check my calendar,” or “I will pencil you in.”? When two parties try to make a plan to connect with one another, it almost sounds like the ability to use the eraser of a pencil makes the date a “flexible choice” and less of a “commitment”, and if something better comes along, one simply just gets erased!
Keeping track of dates is important; however, unless I am hypersensitive, why are those so committed to using a pencil and not a pen or simply unwilling to add one to the calendar in the first place?
How about, “Hey, that sounds like a date. If anything comes up that makes this meeting impossible, I will let you know and we can always reschedule?” So, I am going to the 99 Cent store, buy ten packages of pens, and send them to each person who pencils me in!
Friends are presents we give to ourselves. Moreover, we make plans for social or club events to busy ourselves with our connections that satisfy our hunger for stimulation, interests, and support. Therefore, we make our choices along with our obligations for health, family, and business accordingly. However, with our chosen friends, it means much more if they are equally anxious to see us.
Women have been lucky as they were created with the need and gift for emotional support from their sisters, which I believe saves our lives in more ways than one. For instance, it makes us stronger when we know we can share without judgment. We are empowered when we are listened to. Even more important, as I mature, I see the most significant reason I want to be “INKED in” is to have the joy of looking forward to those moments when eggshell-walking doesn’t exist and being myself is the show. Although, our male spouses or counterparts have their important roles, they are not the same and cannot possibly do for us what sisterhood does. So, knowing this, we prioritize our lives to get special moments without any undue stress or perhaps being an obligatory burden.
Unfortunately, when we feel abandoned in any way, we tend to look for activities without having to be left hanging as to whether or not we have something to do to meet our social needs. Our “checking the calendar” becomes a daily ritual as we book up the free moments we have to try to fulfill any emptiness or neglect we may get from individuals who seem to placate us rather than honestly commit to a relationship.
Experience has taught me to look for the attributes in others with whom I come in contact with and evaluate the relationships that maybe have outworn their welcome by personal changes, which, of course, is natural. Therefore, sometimes, we must thoughtfully say “goodbye” to those with whom we no loner get what we need in a friendship; and we move on. However, the quantity of time spent on booking ourselves up daily can crush our energy to such a degree that we no longer have the intimacy we so crave in mutual friendships with our sisters.
This is not to say that one should stay locked up in a job or home where they do not venture out unless they are pursued and relished like a queen. However, it does say that as we grow, we become observers and absorb the chemistry from others who make us feel like they are mutually interested in getting to know who we are, personally, emotionally and spiritually.
If we choose, we are capable of judging whether to be “penciled in” is a genuine expression or an excuse to simply let us down. Whatever the verdict, we are all worth more than we even know with our positive and negative attributes. We have to be aware enough and have our own private criteria for what we need to generate our lives and what needs to vanish in order for us to have honest friendships.
As the old saying goes, “to have a friend is to be a friend.” Once youdecide what that means to you, those you put on that sacred list of friendship will not use a pencil!