Not that this will ever be published, because I’m definitely not writing this for that reason, but in case I do decide to bare my soul, I do so only for the benefit of knowing that maybe what I’m going through might help someone else feel like they are not alone. In any event, whatever happens… reader beware.
I just needed to take this minute to thank you, G/d. I was thinking, about an hour ago, that my plate was absolutely full, in fact, totally spilling over and it wasn’t fair and I did not think I could take anymore. This once beautifully designed china plate was overflowing with foods I don’t even like to eat. I mean, liver and onions, chopped liver, tongue soup, green bean casserole, overdone potatoes and some smelly green sauce, as well as things I can’t even identify. Everything seemed so out of place on my plate. And, I did not just get a little bit of each dish, no; I got a lot of every single serving of food. I was really starting to get upset. I mean, how much can one person really eat at one time? What I mean, G/d, is how much can one really deal with at the same time?
I won’t go into detail right now, because I’m sure you must be aware, but let’s just say, between life changes, career changes, residence changes, health issues and financial changes, well, it’s a bit overwhelming. My plate is not looking too pretty. There are so many things happening at the same time. And, that does not even include sick relatives, kids and my own personal issues. Everything is topsy turvey. So, you get the point. I wish I could just scrape off this food and dump everything in the trash. But, no. Not possible.
Anyway, dear G/d, as usual, I am off track. I really just wanted to thank you for keeping me grounded in the quake of all of these changes. I have prayed for strength and wisdom for a long time and today I realized that I am already strong. I don’t know when it happened. I wasn’t courageous before. At least, I didn’t feel it inside. But, when I think about how I have been able to handle all these crazy and difficult things in my life lately, I need to really admit that I have handled it with dignity, strength and wisdom. At least, I hope I have. I think I have. So, if I have, and this feeling I have is true, it is because you have answered my prayers. So, even though this road I am on is really rocky right now, and I trip and fall, and I truly don’t like it and it makes my stomach sick and causes huge anxiety within me, I really appreciate the inner strength you have given me in order to continue on in this journey called life. Thank you for answering my prayers.